DEAR DEIDRE: I CHEATED on my girlfriend with another man and then he told her everything. Now she’s taken our plans to start a family off the table.
I don’t know what got into me. I’ve never cheated on any girlfriend, let alone with a guy.
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I’m 36, she’s 32 and we’ve been together for two years.
I was recently on a night out with the boys for one of their birthdays. The drinking started early and by 9pm, we were six or seven pints deep.
On the way to buy a round, I bumped into an old school friend. We chatted and he invited us back to his friend’s for an after-party.
While there we went for a cigarette together on the balcony. I felt like he was flirting with me as he kept finding an excuse to touch me and there were lots of compliments.
I was really drunk and don’t really remember how it started, but I think he leant in for the first kiss.
Then he was undoing my jeans. He masturbated me and I returned the favour.
When I woke up the next morning, I felt awful. Not once had I thought about my girlfriend or tried to tell this bloke to stop.
I knew it was a drunken mistake and that telling her would only hurt her. But a couple of days later, she stormed into the living room holding her phone, demanding: “Who is Mark? And why is he telling me to ask you about Saturday night?”
He’d found her on Facebook — I guess he’d seen my posts about her on my account — and messaged her.
She was stunned. Not only that I’d cheated, but that I’d cheated on her with a guy.
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She’s told me that starting a family of our own is not an option right now. I’m worried she’s having second thoughts about our future.
How do I fix this?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Whoever you did this with, man or woman, it was cheating and hurtful to your partner.
You need to ask yourself if there is something missing in your relationship.
Do you have feelings for men that you haven’t explored? My support pack Bisexual Questions will help you think about why you did this.
You shouldn’t consider trying for a family until your relationship is 100 per cent solid. Any child deserves a stable and loving home.
The best thing for you both would be to get some couple’s counselling where you can deal with this and any other issues.
My support pack, How Counselling Can Help, will show you where to find someone local.