DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend and I had a healthy sex life – or so I thought. Then he started demanding exhausting levels of passion.
It was such a marked change and went from sex three or four times a week to at least twice a day.
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So I went through his internet history and found he had been going on live video sex channels with other women when I wasn’t around.
He had been chatting to one particular woman in America and it got sexual. The messages were graphic.
When I confronted him, he retreated to the spare room while I sat crying in the kitchen.
He eventually emerged and apologised saying he was disgusted with himself. He said he thought it was OK as she lived in the US — there was no chance they would meet.
This had been going on for a couple of months, and I’m struggling to get my head around it. I feel as though he has cheated on me.
I can’t help but think he must find me boring or unattractive.
We have been together for two years. I am 25 and he is 28. I want to forgive and forget, but I don’t know how to handle this. I love him and yet this hurts so much.
He has so many good qualities and he is trying to prove I can trust him, but sometimes I think I’d be better off ending the relationship.
I don’t want to be with someone who needs to supplement their sex life with women online.
I don’t feel good enough at the best of times and I am insecure after being cheated on in the past.
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Now I’m wondering if any man could genuinely be faithful to me — perhaps I’m simply too boring?
Can we make it work or am I being taken for a fool?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You are no fool but you do need to start raising your self-esteem. No one deserves to be cheated on and infidelity is certainly not an inevitability.
Your boyfriend has been turning to other women for sexual gratification, leaving you feeling hurt and betrayed.
At an emotional level there is very little difference between discovering different types of cheating. It all hurts the same.
The good news is that relationships can come back from a crisis, as long as you’re both prepared to work at it and accept things won’t improve overnight.
He sounds genuinely sorry and is trying to prove how much he loves you. Now he needs to stop using these sex channels altogether and start putting his efforts into your relationship.
You can get through this if you are open and honest with each other. My support packs Cheating – Can You Get Over It? and Raising Self-esteem will help you.