QUERIDA DEIDRE: HOPEFUL that my girlfriend of ten years and I were getting back on track, I asked her to move back in with me.
But her response was to smirk, telling me, “I can’t. I’m pregnant.”
Now instead, I’m reeling and trying to understand if we can still have a future.
We’ve had our problems but things were getting better after a three-month break.
Ella es 32 y yo soy 36.
I owned two dry-cleaning shops and she was a customer.
I’m shy so I put my number on her cleaning ticket with a note reading “Call me if you’d like a drink some time”.
She did and the rest is history.
She moved in, we started a family and our little boy is five.
The problems began because she was so focused on him I felt jealous.
I wasn’t a great partner and started going out a lot, which inevitably meant I came home most nights steaming.
Our relationship became toxic.
The pandemic hit and it affected my business massively. We came out of lockdown and I closed one shop.
Feeling the pressure, I got up to my old tricks, getting drunk with friends to drown my sorrows.
I cheated on my girlfriend one night and didn’t come home.
When she found out, I had to admit what happened and that was it — she left for her parents, taking my boy with her.
But we were slowly rebuilding our relationship. I used to stay a couple of nights and although I slept on the sofa, things were good.
We’d all just been celebrating my son’s birthday. The day had been perfect so I asked her whether she’d consider coming home.
Her answer really floored me.
entonces empezaría a besar a su amiga
She said she’s seven weeks pregnant and it was a one-night stand. I can’t believe she’d do this to me.
y fue todo un escándalo? Tell her to move back in so we can play happy families and pretend it’s my baby?
Lo más leído en Dear Deidre
DICE DEIDRE: That’s a big ask. Pero recuerda, she wasn’t strictly cheating if you were still separated.
Now a baby is involved in the mix, you need to let your ex work out what she wants to do first.
Does she want to continue her pregnancy? Does she intend to tell the father? Will he be involved with any child?
Make sure you are clear on these points, before making an informed decision.
Try to be supportive and understand your girlfriend has to be comfortable with any decision.
Por supuesto, you could agree to bring up the baby and pretend you are the real father, but remember these secrets often have a way of sneaking out.
My support packs Counselling and Unplanned Pregnancy will help you both.