DEAR DEIDRE: A stranger emailed me exposing my husband’s wedgie fetish.
I thought it was a joke but I’ve learned this person is his “mistress” and he’s her “sub”.
I can’t get my head around it all. Apparently, he met her for a few sessions while he was working away.
I am 41 and my husband is 43. We have been married for 12 years and have a six-year-old daughter.
My husband’s finance job takes him all over Europe and the UK, so we often spend time apart.
This mistress explained my husband asked her to indulge his wedgie fetish and paid her to hang him up by his pants and engage in various wedgie acts. I was horrified.
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I couldn’t believe I was reading this about him.
He has never given me any clue that this activity is something he likes, let alone regularly engages in.
I don’t even know if he’s having sex with this woman.
Apparently the reason why she emailed was because he wanted her to as a punishment.
She also attached a photo of him in the wedgie predicament.
My husband is away until the beg-inning of next week, but I know I’ll have to confront him.
I feel like I need someone independent to be there when I talk to him.
Please could you recommend any counsellors who could help me before he returns.
Do you think a counsellor might be able to accompany me?
I am reeling from this revelation. My mind is all over the place.
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DEIDRE SAYS: This news came out of the blue and it is completely understandable why you feel bewildered.
Many people with secret fetishes feel ashamed by them, so this is why he has kept this from you.
A wedgie fetish for some is about pain and humiliation and is often used to create role plays where there is a bully/bullied dynamic.
It may have its roots in his childhood, and he may not understand it himself.
It can be difficult to deal with a partner’s sexual fetish.
So I would recommend you both see a sexual and relationship therapist who will help you understand your husband’s fetish.
Please contact COSRT who can put you in touch with a reputable therapist (COSRT.org.uk).
If you otherwise have a happy marriage and a good sex life, this is something you can overcome together.
My support pack on fetishes explains more.