GELIEWE DEIDRE: WILL my lover ever leave his wife? I have heard every excuse in the book: His kids are too young, his wife too ill, they have money problems, it’s their anniversary.
It’s been two years and I’m sick of being the other woman.
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I’m considering telling his wife about what he is really up to when he says he’s working late.
We met at an industry party where he was a guest and I was one of the bar staff. Ek is 24 and he is 43.
He flirted with me that night and, against my better judgment, I ended up in his hotel room.
The sex was phenomenal. He really knew what to do, unlike guys my age.
He said he was unhappily married and had not cheated before.
We had such great chemistry that the one-night stand quickly turned into a no-strings affair and then grew serious.
Within weeks he said he had fallen in love with me and wanted to be with me for ever. But he said it wouldn’t be simple to leave his wife. He had to wait for the right time.
She has arthritis and depression, so he didn’t want to hurt her.
I’ve ended our relationship twice but I’m weak and he draws me back with promises and gifts.
He assures me he and his wife no longer have sex, and I think I believe him, but there’s always a bit of doubt in my mind.
I know I’m still young but I want to get on with my life, get married and have children.
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I’m getting to the point where I want to send his wife a message telling her everything, as I am fed up waiting for him to do it.
My friends say I’m wasting my life and youth on this man and should walk away and find someone better.
Mees gelees in Beste Deidre
DEIDRE SYS: Being the other woman is a lonely and frustrating role. You’re living in limbo.
If nothing has changed in two years, and he continues to make excuse after excuse, the truth is that you may be waiting for him for a very long time indeed. Possibly for ever.
There’s little incentive for him to leave his wife. He has you for passion and sex and her for security.
But sending her a message will only hurt her, anger him and could drive him back into her arms.
My ondersteuningspakket, Your Lover Not Free?, will tell you more about affairs and their pitfalls.
You deserve to be with someone who will devote himself to you.
Walk away now.
Although ending your affair will be painful, your heart-break will be short-lived.