LIEBE DEIDRE: WILL my partner ever go public with our relationship and stop living in the past with his dead wife?
He’s made it clear he loves me, but his Facebook profile still states he’s married, and he won’t ever post pictures of the two of us together.
We’ve been together for 18 Monate, which has been serious for the past six. Ich bin 35 und er ist 42.
His wife died two years ago of breast cancer and I’m the first person he’s been with since.
I realise we met quite quickly after she died, but this isn’t just a ‘rebound’ relationship for him – he’s made that clear.
We’ve talked a lot about the future, even about having kids.
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I’ve been very patient, as I know grieving takes time, and I’d never expect him to forget about his late wife, but I’m starting to feel like he’ll never make our love official.
Her clothes are still in the bedroom wardrobe and he keeps saying he’ll clear them out, but he never does.
There are photos of her everywhere. He hasn’t introduced me to his family or to his friends either.
He’s having counselling so he’s dealing with his feelings. I think he’s worried about what people will think of him.
DEIDRE SAGT: You’ve been very understanding, but grief is a long and complex process and can’t be rushed.
Perhaps your partner feels it’s a betrayal of his wife’s memory to be in a new relationship so soon after she died. Or he may worry he’ll be judged for moving on too fast.
Tell him you understand how difficult this is, but you don’t want to be his secret.
Ask if you can meet his family and friends. Mein Support-Paket, Für sich selbst einstehen, should help you to have this talk.