DEAR DEIDRE: WE’D hardly even drawn breath after having sex for the first time when my boyfriend said: “Well that wasn’t that great, was it?”
I was so shocked, especially as I thought it had gone pretty well.
I’m 25 and he’s 22.
Afterwards we had a heart to heart and he has said our sex life has since improved.
But over the past years he has made some pretty mean comments.
Each time I ask him to explain so I can improve things.
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He says I just lie there and do nothing.
But he doesn’t say what he wants me to do.
I’m so hurt and on edge, I avoid having sex because I feel like I’m getting marked.
He has a lot more experience than me and I’m not sure how we turn things around.
DEIDRE SAYS: Having sex in the real world can be disappointing for some, especially if they watch a lot of porn.
If your boyfriend is in this category, he will have been introduced to increasingly extreme scenarios, which often blunts the senses to more “vanilla” sex.
How do you feel about sex with him? This should be a two-way conversation.
I’m sending my support pack How To Be An Exciting Lover for you both.
If he continues to put you down, perhaps he isn’t the man for you. Your partner should be loving and patient, not critical.