GELIEWE DEIDRE: MY fiancée rarely wants to have sex with me and yet I’ve seen provocative messages, nude pictures and videos she has exchanged with a man.
She’s been acting suspiciously for a while and keeping her phone close.
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One morning, while she was having a shower, I checked her phone to find she’s on numerous chat apps.
The messages were explicit and as I scrolled through, I found videos of one guy pleasuring himself.
They discussed sexual fantasies — something she has never done with me — and it was clear they have met in person.
Ek is 47 and my fiancée is 45. We are both divorced and have been together for two years. Our sex life isn’t what it was.
She’s always tired, now wears pyjamas after always sleeping naked before and “needs space to sleep”.
She used to jump on me as soon as I got into bed. She doesn’t make that kind of move any more.
I’m tired sometimes too, but if you fancy someone there’s always time for sex. She is probably thinking about this other guy.
We are supposed to be getting married in August. I love her so much but am heartbroken.
I am trying to act as if everything is OK but can’t hide my feelings any more. She knows something’s wrong because she recently told me I’m the only one in her life and there’s nobody else.
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I can’t marry someone who’s cheating on me and behaves as though we’re brother and sister. I feel stuck in this fake relationship, but it must end.
I don’t want to hurt her but I want to make her realise what she’s going to lose.
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DEIDRE SYS: Sexting is a form of cheating and it is wrecking your relationship.
It’s not going to stop while you keep quiet about it.
But you can come back from a crisis like this and be stronger.
Tell her what you found and how hurt you feel. I’m sure she would not approve if you were doing the same thing with other women.
If there is to be a future for the two of you, you need to be talking and working out what’s gone so wrong that she is turning to other men.
Make a real effort to reboot your sex life.
My support pack Couples Massage can help you share a lot more sexy fun than any phone can offer.
MORE FROM DEIDRE
You can put the wedding date back to give you time to resolve the issues.
Better to delay the marriage – even if ultimately it gets cancelled – than to marry and have a lifetime of regret ahead of you.