I have fallen for a trans woman and now I am so confused about my sexuality

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE always been sure I’m straight but now I’ve fallen for a trans woman and feel really confused.

I am 28 and recently got back into the dating world.

I have fallen for a trans woman and now I am so confused about my sexuality

I have fallen for a trans woman and now I am so confused about my sexuality

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I was with my ex-girlfriend for five years and thought I would marry her.

But a year ago, she decided she wasn’t ready to settle down so we went our separate ways.

In February, my friends organised a lads’ holiday to Prague to perk me up.

On the flight out, I got chatting to one of the flight attendants — this gorgeous girl with brunette hair and dark brown eyes.

We had lots in common, including our major break-ups. She had just split with her boyfriend of two years.

During our four days abroad, I couldn’t stop thinking about her, even as I flirted with other girls in bars and clubs.

I was thrilled when I spotted her working on our flight home.

Again, we hit it off. She kept coming over, checking I had everything I needed before asking me more about myself.

I took her number and organised to see her the following week.

We went to a nice bar in town for a couple of drinks.

I opened up to her, telling her about my complicated family — which didn’t seem to faze her. Then she said she wanted to tell me her big secret.

My jaw must have fallen open when she confided that she used to be a man. I would never have guessed.

She started transitioning three years ago but was waiting for her final reconstructive surgery.

I didn’t mind that she used to be a “he”. I was just confused about what it means for me.

Does this make me gay because I was attracted to someone who is still biologically a man?

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We’re due to see each other again next week but I’m not sure if I should.

I feel totally out of my depth. Plus, I can’t imagine ever telling my friends and family the truth.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You do not have to tell your friends and family right away, particularly as you don’t know where this is heading yet.

You say you always thought you were straight and are now concerned this means your sexuality may have changed.

But really your connection with your partner is what matters.

Try not to focus on labels. What matters is being happy.

There is nothing wrong with going on another date and seeing how you feel.


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You might decide your connection is worth exploring further.

It could help to talk your feelings through. Contact Switchboard LGBT+ (, 0300 330 0630) who can support anyone with worries about their sexuality and identity.