LIEBE DEIDRE: DESPITE being married to a lovely woman I have been using prostitutes for years.
Everyone who knows me thinks I’m a kind, genuine guy but I’m a fraud and a conman.
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Ich bin 44 and my wife’s 42. We’ve been married for 12 years and have two daughters aged eight and six. My wife is so caring and loving and an unbelievable mum, so why do I do this? Why am I risking everything I care about?
It’s like I get bored with too much spare time on my hands. Like most guys I watch a bit of porn from time to time, but from there I’ll end up on prostitutes’ websites, looking for casual hook-ups. It’s so easy to do on your phone.
I have tried to leave the past behind, especially when I was engaged and then newly married. Our children came along quickly, and sex suddenly stopped. We’ve probably made love two or three times in five years.
We are usually tired, or the time is never right. We haven’t even shared a bed in years.
During this time the urge to use escorts started up again and I haven’t been able to resist using them. I have only ever had oral sex, stupidly unprotected each and every time.
I’ve used half a dozen different girls over the last seven to eight years. The guilt of this habit hit me like a sledgehammer this week after I succumbed to another paid session.
After years of telling myself no more and never again, I really want to change. I never want these women in my life again. I feel so ashamed.
I don’t know whether I have an addiction, but I want to be a good man and a proper husband.
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DEIDRE SAGT: You can change but it will take willpower and you will need understanding support.
Paying for sex means supporting a generally grim, exploitative industry and you risk your sexual health by having sex with strangers too.
It’s unrealistic of your wife to expect you to be content with so little sex. Tell her you are struggling with the lack of intimacy and physical affection in your relationship and you want to get yours back on track.
As you’ve been taking risks with your sexual health, as a priority you should go to your local genito-urinary medicine (GUM) clinic for a check-up.
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Talk to them about whether your wife should have a check-up too. Not an easy subject to raise, I realise, but it may be essential.
My support pack Can’t Be Faithful? will help and you can follow the free online Kick Start recovery programme at sexaddictionhelp.co.uk to help you stop using sex workers.